After The Donald flapped his brain-disconnected jaws in Scotland on the subject of Brexit, Scots on Twitter unleashed a flood of some of the finest crafted invective I've ever come across. I never knew they were such artists! Given the level of the candidates for Head of State that we're getting these days, this is a skill that more of us should cultivate. After careful study of the Scottish tweets, I have devised this little self-help aid that will help you insult Trump like a Scot. Here's how it works.
Start with:"Scotland voted IN, ye..." and then, from the table below, add 1 or 2 from Column A, followed by 1 from Column B. Use any 1 from Column C before or after your selections, if it works in the context and adds some nice emphasis.
Reading straight across Column A and Column B will result in many quite usable Scottish style Trump insults, but you'll probably have more fun mixing and matching. Here are just a few examples of what you can put together:
- ...spoonfed gaseous skull fracture!
- ...vacant half-scale bumsnort kettle!
- ...interrupted cheese!
All right, now YOU try a few!
"Scotland voted IN, ye..."
| Column A | Column B | Column C |
| abandoned | twerd | kettle (of) |
| jellied | blintz | ministry |
| limp-willied | codswallop | poodle-top |
| linnet-ridden | floodfuck | collector |
| warbling | beetle pore | |
| poot-scented | mullet | |
| scordled | sperm bank | |
| half-scale | buzzword | |
| addled | louse bait | |
| unplanned | chunk | |
| doddling | bidet | |
| scalded | cheese | |
| undigested | secretion | |
| gangrenous | dungpie | |
| interrupted | clickbait | |
| spoonfed | bungle | |
| penalized | glans | |
| aborted | cuntwreck | |
| gulping | skull fracture | |
| vaporized | fumble | |
| gamey | codpiece | |
| half-burnt | faddleshite | |
| mucked-over | reactor leak | |
| pustulant | muckstable | |
| quiddled | drizzle | |
| gormless | gruntbuggle | |
| enbezzled | bumsnort | |
| vacant | squiff | |
| morphodite | lackdick | |
| blunt-edged | shitewaddle | |
| gaseous | warble | |
| never-fertilized | spume | |
| recycled | fish whelp | |
| toy | oil spill | |
| bottom-dwelling | frumenty | |
| null and void | numpet | |
| sputum-choked | umpire | |
| counterfeit | gobspoddle | |
| smeggy | flea fart |
OK, I think you can take it from here. Below is a handy info graphic which you are free to download to help you to craft your Trump insults. (Sorry, but it won't help you with your Scottish accent.) OK... ready? Poot ahn yer wee bonnet and curse!
