Ireland's Cruelest Pirate - the Awful TRUTH Exposed at Last

Eastbound jet lag sucks, folks.

Several days after returning to Russia after going back my native USA to vote in the 2016 alleged election, I awoke at 4 a.m. from an election-induced nightmare. I soon realized - "That's it... I won't be getting back to sleep any time soon." So I lay there in the darkness, my innards doing acidic flip-flops as my brain contemplated the final stroke in the steady 30+ years demise of the country where I was born.

Lemonade at 4 a.m.

OK, so this page is not intended to be a discourse on the downfall of Rome. But it was during these early morning reflections that the Muse did her thing, and out of the mass of lemons coursing through my fevered brain I managed to make a bit of lemonade.

Drawing inspiration from our hideous head-of-state-elect and his famous tallywhacker (one of the vital issues of the campaign), I snatched up the old tablet from beside the bed and composed lyrics for a new pirate song... The Ballad of Shillelagh O'Toole, the second pirate song the Orange orangutan* has caused me to write. (The first is here.)

Alternative History

Later on, to get the word out about the song, I drew inspiration from the new 21st century concept of "alternative facts". Hell's bells, folks, if they's good enough for the Office of the Preezident of the Newnited States of America, by Neptune's mighty hammer they's good enough for me!

Old photo of man in scholastic robes and mortarboard hatSo I started hunting around for an "authority" or an "expert" (you know, à la Faux News and Freitfart) who could deliver the true alternative history of the dastardly Irish pirate, Séamlus (like "Séamus" with an "l" - get it?) O'Toole. I came up with Prof. Padraig Finagle, an Irish professor of alternative history who filled the bill admirably with a 3-part academic treatise on the life and death of Ireland's cruelest pirate. (You can begin reading that here.)

My Tweet even got a mention by a heavy-Twitter-hitter on things Irish in NYC (which I'm sure never would have happened had the tweeter read attentively!! (I did leave plenty of clues as to the nature of Dr. Finagle and his work - but thanks anyway!)

So here's a salty ballad about a fictitious Irish pirate whose only weapon is a big ugly blackthorn shillelagh. The lyrics are only slightly tweaked from the original draft I penned between 04:30 and  06:00, after which I felt enough better that I was able to snatch a couple of hours sleep.


Merch to go with the Music!

Folks who have learned The Lesson of Shillelagh O'Toole are loving my official O'Toole souvenir merch on my virtual merch table on Zazzle. All the usual suspects: shirts, Irish coffee mugs, keychains - and there's more on the way, so check back.

 * Sorry. In the heat of the moment I inadvertently disparaged orangutans. I apologize unreservedly to the entire species.

Leave a comment

Add comment