King Fergus insulting Donald TrumpAfter The Donald flapped his brain-disconnected jaws in Scotland on the subject of Brexit, Scots on Twitter unleashed a flood of some of the finest crafted invective I've ever come across. I never knew they were such artists! Given the level of the candidates for Head of State that we're getting these days, this is a skill that more of us should cultivate. After careful study of the Scottish tweets, I have devised this little self-help aid that will help you insult Trump like a Scot. Here's how it works.

Start with:"Scotland voted IN, ye..." and then, from the table below, add 1 or 2 from Column A, followed by 1 from Column B. Use any 1 from Column C before or after your selections, if it works in the context and adds some nice emphasis.

Reading straight across Column A and Column B will result in many quite usable Scottish style Trump insults, but you'll probably have more fun mixing and matching. Here are just a few examples of what you can put together:

  • ...spoonfed gaseous skull fracture!
  • ...vacant half-scale bumsnort kettle!
  • ...interrupted cheese!

All right, now YOU try a few!

 "Scotland voted IN, ye..."

Column A Column B Column C
abandoned twerd kettle (of)
jellied blintz ministry
limp-willied codswallop poodle-top
linnet-ridden floodfuck collector
warbling beetle pore  
poot-scented mullet  
scordled sperm bank  
half-scale buzzword  
addled louse bait  
unplanned chunk  
doddling bidet  
scalded cheese  
undigested secretion  
gangrenous dungpie  
interrupted clickbait  
spoonfed bungle  
penalized glans  
aborted cuntwreck  
gulping skull fracture  
vaporized fumble  
gamey codpiece  
half-burnt faddleshite  
mucked-over reactor leak  
pustulant muckstable  
quiddled drizzle  
gormless gruntbuggle  
enbezzled bumsnort  
vacant squiff  
morphodite lackdick  
blunt-edged shitewaddle  
gaseous warble  
never-fertilized spume  
recycled fish whelp  
toy oil spill  
bottom-dwelling frumenty  
null and void numpet  
sputum-choked umpire  
counterfeit gobspoddle  
smeggy flea fart  

OK, I think you can take it from here. Below is a handy info graphic which you are free to download to help you to craft your Trump insults. (Sorry, but it won't help you with your Scottish accent.) OK... ready? Poot ahn yer wee bonnet and curse!

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